Wednesday, 15 May 2019

Intuition in relationships

What is intuition?

At the popular level it is called Sixth Sense.

The RAE provides us with very ad hoc definitions for this occasion:
"The ability to understand things instantaneously without the need for reasoning"
"Intimate and instantaneous perception of an idea or truth that appears as evident to whoever has it"

It is as if inside our gray mass the puzzle disassembled in 1000 pieces, automatically and unconsciously it is assembled with only 999 pieces. We still have to find that fragment that is missing.


Why do we hold back when it comes to believing in our intuitions? In my opinion, we must trust others, more generally we should trust more of this unconscious process that is alarming us about something that does not fit.

Of course our intuitions are not always 100% reliable, because states of mind, emotions, perceptions, prejudices come into play. You always have to check with objective and real proofs that are not the fruits of our paranoia or imagination.

However, we must deepen them if we want to clarify a certain situation because they can give us important clues in the search for the truth.

If we talk about relationships, it is very important to know the basic behavior of the other person in order to identify inconsistencies.

In a relationship for example, we are supposed to know well the other person.

If we do not know the other person well it is because we have been together for a short time and if we already begin to fail of trust something tells us that it is better to leave it at once.

If at a particular moment in our relationship we begin to doubt certain acts, first of all we should ask our sentimental partner for an explanation. This without negative emotions, in fact we should give the person object of our doubts to fit the pieces of the puzzle without judging them at first sight.


Second, if we do not find satisfactory answers or if we stay with that feeling that there is something there that we do not know what it is but does not leave us alone, then we can use the brainstorming method in writing. We could write on a sheet all the thoughts that come to mind, memories of strange things, that do not fit, certain indications, also events that seem to have no importance, which, however, come to mind just as we are writing. In this way, reading our written ideas we move a little away from our subjectivity. We can also pay attention to the changes in our body while we review the information and see how they make us feel. Once this brainstorming process is finished, we must look at everything we have written and compare it with the information that our partner gave us when asking for explanations.

Here we should have a more complete view of the situation that does not fit us.

Now, there are two types of people: those who seek the truth and those who prefer not to go further, rather stay with the doubt and continue trusting their partner. Both are totally respectable.

If at this point there is evidence that something does not fit and you are one of those who prefer the truth even if it can be painful, something very common is to hire a private detective to give us the proofs that will finally confirm that we are not paranoid. This is the most expensive option in terms of money but less in emotional expenses. This is the option that evokes an initial high investment, but in the long term neutralizes emotional expenses.

If we are more daring and do not want to involve external people, we have to behave as researchers ourselves. Control mobile phone, emails, discover passwords, follow in certain places. Knowing that you could cross legality and that the game turns against you, once all this is done, you cannot go back. All these acts involve loss of trust and something very important is going to break within the relationship. For this same reason, now it is no longer intuition, rather you have to be aware of the consequences and be ready to accept what comes.

So, in what group are you?

Federica Cossu 


For more information about Federica Cossu, expert criminologist and sociologist, you can access her information and professional contact: http://aconve.org/federicacossu/

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